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Voice Of An Honor Killing Victim

I have just regained my consciousness. . It’s hard to breathe and I am unable to recognize where I am right now. Am I in hell? Because I can feel my burnt wounded body that aches when I try to move. How did I reach here oh I don’t know. I am unable to recall what has happened previously for my mind is not working properly at the moment. What’s my name? I have forgotten my name too. But I remember one thing. Allah! Now I am trying to remember more of the things about myself but my body hurts. It feels as if thousands of Scorpios are running and stinging my every inch. Am I in grave? I think not because I am still breathing then where I am?

I have started to hear voices which mean I am still alive. But what kind of pain is this that I have never felt before. Can a living body stand such Del of pain? I am unable to move my head I am starring at something wide and flat may be its sky. May be I am going up to meet my God but again I realized that I can breathe so I have not died yet. I can hear somebody talking about my condition but I am unable to interpret exactly. I heard a word ‘Doctor’ so am I in hospital? Yes definitely. It’s coming again, the darkness in front my eyes and it’s a black out!

I have opened my eyes again. The pain is still there but now I can get that it’s the white ceiling I am looking at. I am thirsty and I want water, Water? I remember I needed water before I had a black out for the first time as well and it was the time when I wanted it so badly like never before in my whole life. I remember another thing which is opposite to water and that is FIRE! This was the last thing I saw before I went unconscious. The flames were all around me, burning my body and soul ashes after ashes. I remember I screamed from the core of my throat for help. So that someone could rescue me from this misery. But no one came! My family, my siblings all of them, where were they when I was burning in flames? Why did nobody come forward to save my life? Oh I recalled. They were all there. Watching me burn for they have themselves choose this punishment for me!

I cannot understand why they did this to me. Can someone burn his daughter or sister like this? No matter how big of a crime she commits, it is the same blood that she has in her veins like them. How can it get white? I am trying to elicit my sin which made my family to burn me to ashes. The family that has adored and loved me till that day, the day when I protested against not having the choice of marrying with the guy I want. Everything got shattered that day and when I took an extreme step to have my right back, they did this to me. Even if I stay in this world, they have not left me capable of living a normal life once again. I am burnt in the name of HONOR!

I am still unable to memorize my name but I wanted to ask one last thing from my Almighty and that is if He will still put me in hell because of my billion sins? I have been through hell in this world, I have felt the flames while I was still an alive being and I have received my punishment for my wrong deeds by my family so will He still punish me in the after world or will He place me in Heaven? As I know now that I am not left with much breaths I wish I could be answered but I think I am going to see it real soon whatever it is. Oh the darkness again, I am losing my consciousness and I am praying that may this darkness be a permanent one because I cannot take this pain any more. I don’t want to be awake again. .  It’s a blackout. .

Disclaimer:

Every day hundreds of girls and women are killed in the name of Honor. But the fact remains same, There is no Honor in Killing and those who do this are the biggest cowards. This is the voice of an honor killing victim and of thousands more whose voices never reached to our ears. Even if they could, nobody would do anything for them. Do we deserve to call ourselves Humans?

Written By: Farwa Jasmeen

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fahad farooq

fahad farooq